Well, it's like it says, folks, it really is never my way, but it's alright. It's been a while since I have blogged, so this is my new year's gift to you, friend.
I think that if God had to brand my life lesson as anything, it would be "Not Jayme's Will, but MINE be done." I had a discussion with a friend over the past two days on e-mail regarding hearing the voice of God, and who is authorized to state that one has heard such voice. Furthermore, who has the authority to TEACH others to hear the voice of the Almighty? He decided no one, and I decided, well, that we don't teach people to hear God's voice. We teach them to stay grounded in the Word, and when people start going around proclaiming "Thus Saith The Lord", we have a place to go to determine if God is, in fact, speaking.
It's funny because we tend to curve the voice and will of God to our own intents and desires, and wow, how dangerous on so many levels. First, we fool ourselves. We allow our hearts to believe what we really want is what God wants, and when our innermost desires don't happen, we blame God, we get bitter and we walk away. There's a scripture in His big book somewhere that says if we delight ourselves in the Lord, He will give us the desires of our heart. I've always understood this to mean that God plants His most holy desires for our lives in our hearts, and when we walk and follow Him wholly, His perfect will unfolds and the receiving of these desires happens because they are HIS, not OURS. Brian Hunter used to always say to me, "It's not about you, it's not about me, it's about GOD." It's not a verbatim scripture verse, but I have never forgotten it, and I hold it close to my heart because it's truth! All over scripture Christ speaks of dying to self, selling goods and giving money to the poor, following Christ without shame, without worrying of social consequence. THIS is God's will for us, to follow him wholeheartedly. And if it is His will for you to live in a 3 bedroom, 2.5 bath home and love your children, your desire will be there, and you'll be fulfilled there; but if it's not, and you're to traipse your happy self over to Africa to feed starving babies, you'll never be happy until that desire in your life is fulfilled. It's about being broken, which never really happens until you throw yourself on The Rock (see Matthew 21:44), because if you don't you'll be ground into dust by it, and then brokenness is no longer the issue, destruction is.
I've learned so much about walking in God's path for me - it's so hard. Everyday I want to say "screw this" and go back home. It's hard to be here, away from my family, from a lot of my friends, and from what's comfortable, but it's God's will right now, and I know if I did go home, I would be miserable. Sometimes, though, being in the middle of what He has for us is painful as well, but it's a good pain. The satisfaction of knowing we're doing what we're supposed to be doing is indescribable, regardless of how we feel while we're doing it.
So what's the point, Jayme? I really don't know. God is teaching me SO much about being under His thumb, being obedient to His word, and knowing that walking in his will is partially about hearing His voice, listening to it, and acting on it. I wish I knew for sure what the next step is for my life, and if the things I want from life are really want God wants for me? It's scary. But I know that if I walk in the here and now, in the foot printed path God sets before me, it'll be okay. I just have to make sure I'm not curving His voice to fit my ears, but rather straining my ears to hear the noise inside heaven.
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