Christmas has arrived faster than I had originally wished. It pains me this year - I have no money to spend on loved ones, and I hate it. I'm pretty thrifty, though. Most years I have little cash, but manage to find the best deals to get pretty cool gifts for my family. Unfortunately, since this year is financially lacking, I find myself not looking forward to the empending (did I spell that right? spell check will tell me, I'm sure) holiday, as it were.

I do, however, look forward to yet another year of new beginnings. You see, this is what my pastor in Houston tagged 2008 as; however, while 2008 was a year of new beginnings for me, it also meant the ending of some cherished things in my life - a friendship, time in a place I loved, a profession I enjoyed immensely, and living on my own. I'm looking to the year ahead with immense curiosity. I can't help but wonder, will this year bring the same amount of joy that last year, with all it's challenges and heartaches, brought me? I know that when we abide in the Lord, our steps are ordered by Him. Unfortunately, here recently, I have not found myself abiding in God.

I need to confess to you here, dear friend, that sometimes when we are removed from constant accountability, we find that we are not as strong or as "good" as we would like to think. Maybe you are, but I find ... not so much. I am working on learning what integrity really is - and let me tell you, it's not an easy lesson to learn. It's a private battle that I want so badly to make public, but I do not believe that it's the time, nor the place. I know that when I come out on the other side, what a Victory it will be - and simply for His glory.

On another note, I am finding that "parenting" my nephew is not easy. My temper is strangely more controlled than I thought, but I disappoint myself often. I want so badly to show him just pure joy and love, a great time, a learning experience, and a safe place. I feel like a failure at all of these, but I am learning to lean not to my own understanding.

Also, the diet is not going swimmingly. My goal is to start the day after Christmas hardcore. My philosophy is that if I do as much, I will not set a resolution for the coming year, and therefore will not disappoint myself.

I should mention that this year's resolution is to meet my husband. HA! Pray, people, pray.